I hosted a lingerie shower today. I wrote some advice for the bride. Thought I would share here.
To have a great honeymoon you need to have AMAZING sex.
The most important word in that sentence is amazing. It requires a definition.....
Let's start with what it is NOT:
Amazing sex is not sex that requires either party to feel like they have to "perform" or be good at it. Whatever that even means.
Amazing sex is not having it for the sake of only one person.
Amazing sex does not require you to look sexy.
What amazing sex is…
Amazing sex is when two people stop putting on a show and start communicating about what they like, need, and want.
It isn't afraid of talking about past wounding, or about dreams and even fantasies. It is when you can be present with each other, without judgment but total, unconditional love, for all the parts of each other. Helping each other heal from past hurts and from the shame that comes when we have to hide anything about ourselves.
Amazing sex is both parties experiencing pleasure. BTW: a woman's clitoris serves one purpose only (her pleasure) and it has twice as many nerve endings as a man's penis. Women’s bodies are made for pleasure. Never ever fake anything.
Ask for what you want and need to get pleasure EVERY SINGLE TIME.
This may mean you don’t even have intercourse. This doesn’t have to mean orgasm. No end goal needs to matter. Simply pleasure for pleasure’s sake. That is enough.
This advice is not only for newlyweds. It is for all of us.
Yes, I support wildness. I am a fan of trying new things. Wearing amazing lingerie. All the juicy, fun things. But those are not, in my opinion, the key to amazing sex. Amazing sex is mostly found in relationships that two people have decided to communicate openly and honestly about everything, sex included. Everything else is simply part of the fun.
This is the kind of amazing sex that can and will last a lifetime.