I had a few conversations with women, all in midlife, last week. One while looking in the mirror. All of us look good from a distance. The view changes with proximity. Sometimes breaking hearts are etched on faces.
"I'm fine. Me and God are good. I'll be fine."
"I don't give a sh*t anymore. I'll be fine."
But tears speak truth, sometimes the voice cannot.
Believing that God is in the pain AND the beauty is not easy when pain is closing in. Survival, the only response when a dark cloud is hovering.
I have a friend in her late 60's. She recently started ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics. She made a decision to open some old wounds. Such bravery. Seeing beauty in the process.
Sometimes we hear about things that will "fix us". Often the thing that appears to need "fixing" is just a symptom. What if we exposed the "why"? Let healing begin there.
Last weekend I spent the day at my husband's hunting lease. Time slipped by as I admired this old home. From a distance so much potential. The roofline so perfect against the beautiful blue sky. The "could be" and "should be" rolling around in my mind. I told my son I could fix it if I had the chance. Letting the Fixer Upper overload talk. Standing on the rotting porch exposed the actual truth, it needs to be torn down to its foundation. That would be painful for the old farmer, that owns the property, to watch. Seeing the home that his late wife was raised in be taken apart.
Sometimes we hold on to things that are broken because we think they represent something meaningful. Sometimes we need to let go.
Let's not be afraid of the process of exposure. Saying "yes" doesn't always mean an immediate wrecking ball of things hidden and harbored, possibly our whole lives. God doesn't tend to work that way. Saying "yes" may mean you are ready to have the top layer of pain exposed. Layered we are, like an onion. First layer, heal. Second layer, heal. Slowly, gently. Perfect gentleman is the Spirit. Time passes and we begin to feel whole. We begin to glance back seeing ourselves emerge from under the cloud that wanted to consume.
Freedom is just ahead friends. Freedom is for you. You are worthy. You don't have to continue to believe the negative thoughts that are echoing inside. You can choose different. It all starts with "yes".