Rarely but occasionally profound moments happen. I recently had the gift of one of those moments. It was a Monday, an unlikely day to experience intense, amazing DIVINE LOVE.
I was attending Shannon's yoga class, I do so as often as possible. She is my favorite teacher and one of my favorite people.
Settling in for our final rest, savasana, my favorite part of any class. If you don't know what that is, just imagine laying on the floor on a mat in completely surrendered relaxation. Shannon proceeded to give directives for letting go, for allowing ourselves to journey inward. Instrumental music playing. The last thing she said was "enjoy the ride". In that instant, without really intending to I was slightly transported in my mind. I knew God was about to show me something amazing. Although this doesn't happen much, it has happened before.
I envisioned myself on a ride much like It's a Small World in Disney World. I was sitting on the ride, traveling through a maze of movie screens. On the screens, scenes from my life were being played as I moved past them. Good experience after good experience. So much laughter and joy. Occasionally there were screens that were not good. Tears, anger, fear, pain. Then on to more good. Riding horses, playing basketball, playing with cousins and friends. Falling in love, getting married, having children. This went on through the time I spent resting in savasana. There was one thing each of the screens had in common, a light shining in the left corner of each one. Much like a picture that the sun is streaming, casting a glow that the camera picks up. The light evident even on the most painful screens.
I didn't want this moment to end but knew it had to. I prepared to roll onto my right side and lay in a fetal position. I knew as I lay there that God's message to me was that He has always been present, the light was always shining. He never left even at the worst times when it felt like I was alone. Also that the good memories far exceeded the bad. My friend, Sandy, recently shared the same thought with me, that there were no good or bad memories, only memories. Gone and past. Lessons learned and growth produced.
I spent so many years stuck. Watching only the screens that hurt. Rewinding the tape to the most difficult part. When I chose to only focus on things that hurt I was missing out on what an amazing life this is. Not just mine. Yours is too. If you disagree then perhaps you are stuck in front of only one screen. Staying focused on the pain. Some of us get stuck on only the good things. Have you ever met a 40 year old still constantly talking about high school or college days? If that is you maybe you are stuck too. Stuck is stuck, it doesn't matter what is keeping you there. The past is over. Holding memories is great but when the memories keep us in a place of complacency, not able to move forward then we are missing out on the best part of life. RIGHT NOW!
Shannon placed a peppermint towel on my forehead and it released laughter and tears. That's what this life brings. An array of good, bad, light, dark, laughter, tears. To give up one means we may miss out on the other. I don't want that. I want to feel it all.
There has been a little time since that experience. It hasn't left me. I go back and remember and am so thankful. I recognize now that it has been my willingness to accept and ride past all the experience and feel all the feelings involved that I can continue on that ride. Now I ride towards the beauty that is the open fields of what is to come. Letting go of my past and moving toward the future while staying completely grounded in the now. In what is.
I wonder if you have ever watched the movie of your life? Crazy though it may sound. Believing that there are only good or bad memories or experiences will keep you stuck. See it all, accept it all, embrace it all for a second, then let go of it all. I hope you will "enjoy the ride" too.