I spent New Years' at the beach. It was a first for me, to leave my husband and older son on a holiday. My 14-year-old and I decided the best place to be was the place we feel most peaceful. I spent three days reflecting over the last year and casting a vision for this one. It was good!
The reflecting gave way to the thought, spurred by something I heard on a podcast, that we can't see the dots connecting ahead, only as we look back. I'm a really visual person so I need a picture in my mind of concepts before they become integrated.
Remember dot to dot worksheets? The ones I remember looked something like this.....
The ones I found online had much of the picture already filled in, I guess they decided kids needed a little hope to get them going. Then others were so complicated that it would take me an hour to finish.
We often don't get clues as to what picture it is we are creating. It's a rare thing for God give us 50% of the picture. I'm not even sure how that even works. We have lots of conversations at my house about free will and whether God knows the outcome. I think it's complicated. Much more so than the way we have tried to describe in the realm of religion. But I do know for certain that dots connect.
I know also that the harder the circumstances and the more difficulty a person navigates without giving up hope the more beautiful the picture. Sometimes we are frightened when people we love make choices that are different than the ones we would make. We want to connect their dots for them. Part of the beauty is that all of our dots connect and intertwine. The things we struggle with in others are part of the process of creating the most beautiful picture.
If life is hard and you want to run from difficulty, don't. Don't run away emotionally. Know that the picture of your life is filled with color, lights, mediums, and darks. Your picture is filled with perspective, depths. Your picture is beautiful. You may not be able to see it now but keep connecting. All will come. Trust the process.
If you are trying to figure out God and "why?", try letting go of the figuring out. There is no way to figure some things out. No one can tell you why, don't let them try, they will often do more harm. One day it will be clear. Until it is, there is one thing I am 100% totally and completely certain of, you are loved. Let that knowledge be enough. Let the picture evolve and emerge. I promise you, it will be beautiful.