The first emotion I recall having was shame. I was five years old. We start early don't we? Believing that we are not enough, or too much. It has taken me nearly 40 years to unravel that deeply embedded belief about myself. The words may come from others but mostly they are thoughts we keep thinking.
You deserved it. You are inherently bad. You are a fraud. The mistakes you have made define you. All lies I have believed in the past. They try to resurface. I am wiser. I have grown and evolved to a deeper understanding and recognize the untruths that would strangle me if I let them.
An important lesson I have learned to embody is that I need not be ashamed of my shame. I can uncover it, expose it to light. I have developed a practice of talking about shame. Telling someone every time I feel it. My husband may be weary from hearing but he is my confessor. I tell him both the feeling and sometimes, when applicable, the actions that created the feeling. He listens and loves well, I'm a lucky girl. Exposing the lie to the light of truth makes it dissipate pretty quickly.
I get to think whatever thought I chose to think. I am changing my thoughts to truth. I hope you do the same. We have to be intentional. Keep thinking a new thought over and over and over and over.
Sunday I spoke on this topic at my church, The Vineyard of Baton Rouge. I would love for you to listen, then I would love to hear your feedback.