I struggle with thoughts about God. One of my struggles has been the pronouns we use for God. I recognize that scripture refers to God as "He" and it has been my go to pronoun also, but as I have come into more of an understanding of feminine spirituality there has been a part of me that wants to use "she". I know I just lost half of you with that one, but stay with me.
Over the last couple of weeks I've spent a lot of time praying about this. Questioning why this matters to me. Here is what I have found.....it really doesn't matter if I call God "He" or "She", the problem is that in truth I see God in a human container. I know the Spirit of God came to earth as a man, Jesus, but God is so much bigger than human. I realized that I make God small. I am understanding that when I make God small, I stay small. Suddenly the pronouns do not matter. I can use "he", "she", or "it" and it is meaningless. What matters is that I start recognizing that whatever language I use, God, Universe, Source, it doesn't matter as long as I know that my language doesn't scratch the surface. My thoughts, no matter how expansive, can never do justice to the truth of who or what God is.
How small the ocean would be to the fish if the fish only thought the ocean was as big as his understanding?
I recently listened to a someone that did his best to help me put God back into the container I once held for him. The desire in that moment was to walk away. I waited until he finished talking and quietly left without the need to prove or convince anyone of my belief. No one can remove the container God is held in except the person that is holding it. The experience left me exhausted but also filled with overwhelming gratitude that my container, though still intact, I am human, has grown so much in the last few years. I am beginning to feel free and truly loved.
Why does this matter? We are created in the image of God. Imagine if we removed our containers for God, perhaps the small containers we hold ourselves would expand also. Imagine if we experienced God's unreserved, unconditional love for us, felt this love to the very core of our being, not just in thought. Perhaps we would be able to offer a little of that love to others and even ourselves.
This kind of expansive love is something I am only beginning to wrap my mind around. There have been fleeting times that I have truly felt this in my whole being, my mind is limited to prior programming. I am, however, changing the program. I am inviting the Spirit of God to rewire my thoughts and know that I will continue to grow in understanding of God's love. I hope you do also.
How would your life look different if the understanding of this kind of love became a reality?
How would you see others?
How would you view yourself?
How would living in this love affect your experience of living?
I want to find out! Do you?