When Marriage Sucks

We’ve been married over half my life. It’s good, really good, most of the time.

But sometimes it sucks.

Sometimes there is a wrinkle deepening in his forehead because he worries about money and I don’t and he is afraid I will spend too much. I tell him he lives in scarcity. He hates hearing that so much.

Sometimes I want to disappear. Get on a plane to India and never come back. Why? Because he notices pretty women and I believe that I don’t matter so I should go. Yes, silly and totally irrational, but in the moment quite real.

I’ve figured out that the times that are so sucky are a result of our unhealed wounds. Every human has those.

I have lots of thoughts on the purpose of marriage but one of my favorites is this one…..

“Marriage is a safe container to heal childhood wounds.”

-Harville Hendrix

That has become so clear to me now that I am aware, able to recognize my own brokenness.

So now I see that when I am resenting marriage. When I am imagining it could be better with someone that never noticed other women and that gave me a limitless credit card.

Those things are an invitation to heal.

To recognize that other women are beautiful and him noticing that says nothing about my visibility. I am seen and loved. By him and by myself.

To recognize that abundance has nothing to do with what I buy but everything to do with my own mindset. The more true deep abundance I tap into the more he sees and desires the same within himself.

So if you think marriage has to be perfect to be amazing I would strongly disagree. It’s actually the really tough times that make the good times great.

Ego Trip

Thoughts on Thoughts