That is what the scale said the last time I got on it.
In the past, I have weighed less and I have weighed more.
In the future, I will weigh less and I will weigh more.
I've said and heard said that the numbers don't matter. But the reality is that it has mattered. For my entire life, it mattered. I don't know exactly when it started mattering but I remember noticing it in junior high.
The number has affected me. It has been a determining factor of my mood too many times to count. It has kept me from wearing certain clothes. It has kept me from making love at times.
Even though I have let it matter in the past the truth is it DOES NOT matter.
What does matter?
Being strong and healthy.
But even more than that.....
That I can look at the mirror, deep into my own eyes, and say I love you and mean it. I can tell that woman looking back at me, the one that listened to the lies for too long, that no matter what the numbers are or how tight or loose the clothes are, unconditional love belongs to her. She is whole. She is free.
Getting to a place of loving my body is truly helping me live my healthiest and best life. I can finally see that by constantly seeking outside information to change the way my body looked I was in a state of stress. Loving my body, for me, means listening. Truly truly listening. When foods hurt my stomach that is a message. When I crave certain things, another message. Our bodies are incredible things. They know exactly what they need but we use food to avoid feeling things we don’t want to feel.
The last book I read on this topic truly shifted this for me. It was Women Food and God, by Geneen Roth. All about intuitive eating. Bring consciousness to the way we eat (and everything else). I can’t recommend it enough. I am planning to host an intuitive eating workshop soon. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter to stay updated.