Stop, right there. What emotions does that question bring up?
I know! I have felt all of those emotions at one time or another.
Have you gotten the message that to embrace and love your sexuality was sinful? Shameful? Wrong?
That you were supposed to suppress it until marriage and then suddenly you are supposed to show up as a sexual diva for his pleasure?
Do you believe that your pleasure is not important and all that matters is his?
Do you mentally check out during sex and can’t even imagine why anyone cares to do it? You may even feel like you could go your whole life without it.
Do you actually really like sex but feel like there is something inherently wrong with you because you do?
Sister, I have learned a few things that I desperately want you to know…
I spent my entire life consumed by negative emotion about sex.
I felt like I was wrong if I liked it and wrong if I didn’t.
Sexual trauma informed much of this negativity, as did religious and societal conditioning.
My experience with Christianity only seemed to exacerbate this. There was no way (in my mind) that God could love me if I loved sex.
The fact that I could passionately love Jesus and passionately love sex was the most impossible idea I could have ever imagine. It seemed dirty and wrong. I didn’t want to be viewed as a “Jezebel”.
However, some things are true whether we believe them or not.
I spent a year and a half immersed in sexual healing and learning to help others heal through coaching. When I tell you that it is the BEST THING I’VE EVER DONE, I mean it. I would shout if from the rooftops if I thought it would be heard and heeded.
I now know that healing my sexuality was my path to truly experiencing God. That healing on a sexual level was healing me on all levels.
I searched the world over looking for these things and all along they were inside me. They were hidden beneath doubt, fear, disappointment, shame, guilt, and sadness. Once I did the work to bring understanding to all of this then my sex life COMPLETELY changed.
The funny thing is that I wanted to feel whole sexually but what I needed was to experience unconditional love and freedom.
Doing this work gave me all of them; sexual wholeness, unconditional love, and true freedom.