Identity Deconstruction

I haven’t blogged in 2 years and 4 months. This website has been home to my coaching business. Sharing my random thoughts just has not been top priority. I have decided to hang up my coaching hat for a while and open to the idea of living in the mystery that life can be. For the last 3 months I’ve been completely off social media. I planned to go back in September but I’m not sure I will. My life has been decidedly better since my exit. I have cooked, crocheted, read numerous books, spent quality time with friends and family, and traveled. All of this without telling the world I was doing it. It all just felt a little more beautiful without the audience.

I’ve also come to realize that I have a desire to deconstruct my identity. I know that sounds strange but I have spent years trying to convince myself and others that I am worthy of love. That my voice matters. That my existence is important. I don’t regret those things but I had a spiritual experience a year ago, during which I experienced Divine Love so intensely and finally realized that I needed to earn it.

During this season of my life it feels important to deconstruct labels I’ve worn and simply exist in love for a while. To finally not wake up with a to-do list but to practice what I’ve preached and let the day come to me. My only purpose in this moment is presence. Totally present with whatever is for that moment.

This feels like sacred inner work and I’m making it sound simple but in truth it is wrecking me. I cry pretty much every day. I’m shedding years of labels and created identities that actually didn’t serve who I most deeply am at my core. I don’t know what this will bring in my life but I’ll be present with whatever it is and if it’s just more sitting in presence that is perfect.